losing friends, losing faith
It sucks trying to fight this when you know you’re going to lose.
Even though you are fucking killing me with your triggering words, I feel like I’m the one who should disappear. I feel like all this hard work to convince myself that I’m beautiful was just a lie to cover up the fat mess that I am. Being thin is the only thing that can make me happy, not you.
One time this girl in my highschool acknowledged anorexia as a serious eating disorder but said bulimia was just stupid. You have no idea how angry I was with her. It was this horrible reminder that until I reach that BMI, I would always be considered just a stupid, fat girl.
It’s really hard to sit there and think, I’m not thin enough or sick enough to be called anorexic. It’s hard to breathe, thinking that there’s someone better than you who can actually restrict. It’s suffocating to be bulimic because even if I successfully restrict for a week, I’m still ‘just a bulimic’